She wants to keep it.

I want her to think about it, a little more, think practical stuff.

She's just thinking "oh! babies are great! babies are sweet! I'll love the baby and the baby will love me."

It is so easy for someone to fall in love with the idea of a baby. They are so precious and sweet. They are a gift, but like many gifts one might receive -- well, not everyone wants a puppy, a blender, a fabulous life-sized stuffed tiger that purrs and wags its tail. But more than that, a baby is a person.

A person who needs to be cared for, to explore, to play, to grow up, to be loved. A person who is forever tied to his or her mom and dad. Let's explore this, shall we?

In this case, the "mom" in question is 21 years old. She lives with me and my family. She's a sweet, young person, the first cousin of my husband. I love her very much. I see her as a creative, bright, beautiful young woman, full of potential, a wonderful life is waiting for her. Earlier this year, I invited her to come live with my family, because she felt that it was time for a change in her life, to get away from her old situation (lackluster relationship with go-nowhere boyfriend, trouble getting it together to go to college, etc.). I also needed a nanny, badly and urgently. I had been offered a job, but needed someone to help with my pre-schooler. She came, she helped, I paid her AND I gave her food and a room of her own in my house. It seemed like she was going to start school in the fall. It seemed like she'd continue to help by being our nanny and we'd continue to help with getting her to get her education.

But that's not what happened. In the fall she applied for what (she said) was a part time job-- but it was actually a full time job. She's been working as a file clerk at a law firm since September. We don't have her as a nanny anymore, because she's not around. She does babysit for us sometimes, but we aren't getting the kind of help that we thought we would have.

On the other hand, my need for a nanny has decreased quite a bit, because my pre-schooler is now in school. My work is completely compatible with my children's schedules. So I'm not having any kind of logistical problem - I am not stuck looking for child care because she can't nanny for us. However, my life is super hectic, and having her be a nanny for us again, well it would be awesome. My kids could spend more time at home, and maybe Callie could help out more if she were around.

Right now -- Callie doesn't contribute anything to the household, other than the occassional babysitting. She barely takes care of her own stuff, doing her own laundry only when it's really desperate, and leaving huge piles all over her room.

We have always had a "it's your room, you do what you will in there" attitude. When she moved to our house, we had one spare bedroom, a small extra room at the end of the hall. I took a lot of care to paint the room, put in a comfy foam mattress (custom-sized - it is a little smaller than a twin), I bought an oriental rug for the floor, installed a pretty lamp for the wall, etc. I put some effort into making it a livable space, because it is so small. She leaves empty yogurt cups, trash from chips or candy, dirty dishes, etc., around the house, in addition to in the piles in her room.

Forgive me, world, I am able to suspend being judgmental when it's just one person, a young adult, who is living like that. But um. A baby, folks. Is this the kind of place you can raise a baby?

And I wanted a nanny at my house, not a live in single mom who does nothing to contribute, but who instead just lives there.

Of course, I CANNOT turn her out, I would never do that. But I am not happy about this, I wasn't even that happy before she got pregnant. I would be even more unhappy if she moved in with the father of the baby, as he's really creepy. It's hard to fully describe, and hardly worth it. Let's just say the fact is that Callie isn't his only pregnant girlfriend, and his wife (who just left him a couple weeks ago) says she didn't want to ever have kids with him, because he's so volatile that he kicks the dog if he gets mad. So... other than that... Can you just take my word that he's a real f**k-up?



(I know, some people feel very strongly that any pregnancy, all pregnancies, should be continued, no matter what. Some people feel very strongly that once conception occurs, that a baby, a person, exists. Period. If that is your only comment, please don't bother leaving a comment. I see your point, I know what you are saying. I don't happen to agree, but I can understand where you are coming from. I didn't start this blog to upsell abortions, or to convince a pro-lifer of something else. I don't want to argue about when human life begins. I mean, obviously, life does begin at conception. You're right about that, so why argue? I just think it's more complex, and morally, and ethically complicated, and therefore I think that there are many situations where terminating a pregnancy is a good idea, and the right choice. Well anyway, oops, didn't want to argue this. So anyway... thanks.)